"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
Emo Philips (...more Emo Philips Quotes).

"When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
Matt Groening.

"Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them."
Steve Martin.

"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who."
Joan Rivers.

"If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield.

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one."
Woody Allen (...more Woody Allen Quotes).

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Emo Philips (...more Emo Philips Quotes).

"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home."
Ken Hammond.

"Like most men, I am consumed with desire whenever a lesbian gets within twenty feet."
Taki.